Enigmatic Shenanigans
by Risknight
Summary: Someone has started a prank war. The problem is, no one in the group knows who. Or do they? Can Sheldon find out who is behind it all before things go too far? (Rating is for intimacy in chapter 10.)
1. Operation Wildcat

**Someone has declared war. And in this prank war, no one is safe.**

* * *

**(Operation Wildcat)**

Sheldon rolled his eyes as Howard and Leonard argued about which one of them the cashier at the theater was smiling at. The movie had been boring and unimaginative. The entire evening had been a waste. He unlocked his door and walked over to the closet. He took off his jacket and opened the door. And then he screamed.

Sheldon struggled on the floor under the weight of the cougar. It's teeth were inches from his face. He could feel it's claws digging into his chest. He fought back valiantly, doing his utmost to power the wild animal off him. Leonard and Howard sprang forward to their friend's rescue. Leonard hit at it with the sword he had grabbed from the wall. Howard kicked at it with his feet. All three men were shrieking in terror.

"Excuse me," called a voice from the hall. "Whatever this is, could you keep it down?"

Sheldon turned his head and yelled out a warning. "Run, Penny! Save yourself!"

She frowned at the men. "From what? A toy?"

The men slowed their movements and eased away. Sheldon looked up and found himself staring into glassy golden eyes. He poked the muzzle gingerly and the cat toppled over. Howard walked over to the closet and looked inside. Sheldon scrambled up to his feet and turned red.

"Wow," Howard said with awe. "Someone set up a spring loaded trigger in here. The moment you opened the door, the trigger released and launched the stuffed cougar at you."

Sheldon turned to Penny furiously. "You did this!" he bellowed. "I could have had a myocardial infraction!"

Penny gasped. "What the hell are you talking about! I didn't do anything!"

Sheldon poked her shoulder with his finger. "Don't lie to me! This is just the sort of thing you would do!"

Penny smacked his hand away. She pushed him back a step. "First of all, I didn't do this…this, whatever this is! Second, you apologize right now for calling me a liar!"

Sheldon sneered. "Oh? No one else could have! Leonard has been with me all day, and you have the only other key!"

Penny smirked and crossed her arms. "No I don't. Leonard locked himself out three days ago and he has the spare. I haven't even been in here for four days."

Sheldon opened his mouth and then closed it. His expression turned from anger to confusion. "What?"

Leonard nodded. "I still have the spare, Sheldon. Penny couldn't have done this."

Sheldon looked from Penny to Leonard and then back. "You don't have a key?" he asked hesitantly. Penny shook her head angrily.

"No I don't. And you owe me an apology!"

Sheldon glared at her for a moment. "I apologize for suspecting you of a prank you did not do, even thought it's just the sort of thing you would do," he growled.

Penny glared at him fiercely. "You know what, Cooper? If that's the best you can do, screw you!" Penny spun on her heel and stormed away. Sheldon glowered as the door slammed behind her. Then he kicked the taxidermy nightmare. Someone had set this up. If it wasn't Penny, then he would find out who.

Sheldon sighed and walked across the hall. He couldn't ignore the tears that had sprang into Penny's eyes. He knocked on Penny's door and called her name quietly. Penny ripped open the door and Sheldon jumped back. He hung his head and sighed. "I apologize for my inadequate apology. I allowed my temper to get the better of me. I am truly sorry for my accusation."

Penny's expression softened and she nodded. "Thank you, sweetie. I really appreciate it."

Sheldon raised his eyes and looked at her for a couple of seconds. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it. He nodded and hurried back across the hall.

* * *

The phone buzzed and a text appeared. **It's begun. Your turn, now.**

A reply was quickly typed out and returned. **Excellent. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Sleep well.**


	2. Operation Pitstop

**The first volley has taken down Sheldon. Who is next?**

* * *

**(Operation Pitstop)**

Sheldon and Leonard were standing on the sidewalk, looking at the roof of the garage when Penny came outside. She was dressed in her Cheesecake Factory uniform and digging in her purse for her keys. She glanced at the guys briefly, looking away without noticing the looks of horror and trepidation they had.

"Going paint-balling?" she asked. "Have fun." She found her keys and walked to her parking space. Penny tilted her head and looked around with confusion. Penny turned in a circle slowly. She looked back at the guys, her brow furrowed. "Umm, my car is gone," she said. Her eyes widened and she started to get agitated. "My car is gone! Someone stole my car!"

Leonard shook his head. "No. They didn't _steal_ it. They just …um, moved it."

Sheldon pointed up and Penny looked in the direction he indicated. Her jaw dropped, and so did her purse. She stumbled over to stand between the guys.

"Why is my car on the roof of the garage?" she asked in a weak voice. She turned to Sheldon and her expression turned angry. "Sheldon?! Why the hell is my car on the roof?!"

He looked at her with astonishment. "I didn't do this! Leonard and I found it together! I don't know who put it there!"

Penny clenched her fists and screeched loudly. Leonard shook his head frantically as Sheldon covered his head and cringed back. "No! Penny, he's telling the truth! He's been with me all morning!"

Tears sprang to Penny's eyes. "Then who did it? I swear when I find out, I'll go more than junior rodeo! I'm going to go apocalyptic on them!"

Leonard patted Penny on the back and talked soothingly. "Don't worry, okay? We'll give you a ride to work, and then we'll figure out a way to get the car down. Alright?"

Penny growled angrily and Sheldon reached out gingerly to pat her arm. "There, there. Sheldon's here." Penny leaned her head on his shoulder and let them lead her to Leonard's car.

* * *

Penny thanked her co-worker for the ride home. She saw her car sitting in it's spot in the garage and she bounded up the steps. She burst into the guy's apartment and rushed over to give Leonard and Sheldon hugs. "Thank you so much, guys! Was it hard to get my car down? How on earth did you do it?"

Sheldon blushed and twitched as Penny continued to keep an arm around his waist. Leonard shook his head. "Actually we didn't get it down. When we got back, your car was back in it's spot. Whoever put it up there must have taken it back down as soon as we left. There's a large crane behind the building next door. They're putting in a pool. We think that's how your car was moved."

Penny released Sheldon finally and stepped back. "So who did it? Who's the jerk face that messed with my car?"

Leonard and Sheldon looked at each other and then back to her. Sheldon cleared his throat. "I am operating under the assumption that the perpetrator of last nights prank on me was also responsible for the prank on you. I will begin to investigate. I will find this person."

Penny glared evilly. "When you do, I'll be very interested in having a little chat with him or her." Penny sighed and smiled at the guys. "Thanks again. I appreciate the ride this morning and that you would have rescued my car." She kissed their cheeks and walked out of the apartment.

Leonard was smiling, looking toward the now closed front door. Sheldon rolled his eyes at Leonard. "I feel a small measure of pity for whoever is doing this. They obviously don't know Penny very well, or they would never have riled her up."

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, they're in for a big wake up."

* * *

**Step 2 complete. Have you prepared everything for our next target?**

Fingers flew across the buttons and hit SEND. **Operation "New Delhi" is in place. It begins at noon tomorrow.**


	3. Operation New Delhi

**Whoever is messing with the group has no idea what danger they are in. Pranking Penny is a bit like poking a sleeping tiger with a short stick.**

* * *

**(Operation New Delhi)**

Raj didn't join them for lunch. Considering that none of them had seen him for a couple of days, that made Sheldon a bit suspicious. Howard and Leonard tried to reason with him as they walked down the hall toward Raj's office.

"Sheldon, come on! This is Raj." Howard said. "How would he get into your apartment? Explain that!"

Sheldon shook his head. "He could have picked Leonard's pocket, made a spare and returned Leonard's keys without him ever knowing it."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I'm going to regret this, but I'll ask anyway. Why my pocket and not yours?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard condescendingly. "I am more aware of my surroundings than you."

They arrived at Raj's office and Leonard knocked. He opened the door and they saw Raj sitting at his desk, looking stunned.

Howard walked in and smiled. "Hey, buddy. We were a bit worried when you didn't show up for lunch."

Sheldon snorted. "Guilty conscience, I bet." Leonard elbowed him sharply.

Raj burst into tears and the guys jumped back. Howard scooted forward cautiously. "Raj? Buddy? Want to talk about it?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard. "I hope not," he said in a low voice. Leonard shushed him quickly.

Raj grabbed a tissue and sobbed into it. "I'm being deported!" he wailed. The three men looked at him with alarm.

"But why?" Howard asked sadly.

Raj sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I don't know. I have to go to the immigration office this afternoon. They sent me this letter saying I was being deported and if I wanted to dispute it I have to report for a hearing this afternoon at 2pm."

Leonard moved forward. "Come on, Raj. Don't worry. We'll go with you and help you straighten this out."

"We will?" Sheldon asked. Howard and Leonard glared at him and he gave Raj an awkward smile. "We will."

* * *

They sat in the outer office for almost an hour. Raj was alternating between crying and praying. Finally a woman stepped through the door and called his name. They all followed her down a corridor and into the room she indicated. They all gulped when they saw the huge man standing behind the desk. 6'4", 300 lbs, and a stern countenance made him a very formidable looking man.

"Rajesh Koothrappali?" he growled.

Raj felt his bladder shrink and he nodded meekly.

"Mr. Koothrappali, you have been summoned here for one reason. Do you know what it is?" he asked.

Howard stepped forward and smiled hopefully. "We're his friends. We're here to help him present his case."

The big guy didn't even look at Howard. "Shut up. Well, Mr. Koothrappali?"

Raj eeped and shook his head.

The big guy walked around the desk and got right up in Raj's face. "I only have one word for you, Mr. Koothrappali." He leaned over Raj menacingly for a second before smiling widely. "Bazinga."

* * *

Sheldon fidgeted and followed his friends across the parking lot. "It wasn't me!" he whined.

Leonard snorted. "Oh come off it, Sheldon! No one else says Bazinga!"

Sheldon whimpered. "But I'm innocent!"

Raj spun to face him. "Oh? Then who was it? Who sent me a fake letter and set me up like that?"

Sheldon's expression was astonished. "The mystery prankster!" he exclaimed. Leonard paused and looked back at him.

"You think so?" he asked curiously. He looked at Howard and Raj. "You know, he might be right. He's not twitching, so he's not lying. I think Sheldon's innocent."

Raj looked at each one. "Mystery prankster?"

Sheldon nodded quickly. "He placed a spring loaded cougar in my closet so it would leap out and scare me, and put Penny's car on the roof of the garage. I will admit I thought it might be you at first."

Raj looked at Howard and Leonard suspiciously. "It would appear you two have been left alone so far."

The two men held up their hands. "No!" Leonard said hastily. "It's not me!"

"Me either!" Howard exclaimed.

Sheldon crossed his arms. "I will discover the culprit. Then they will face the ultimate punishment."

Howard and Leonard looked at each other. "What's that?"

Sheldon grinned his joker grin. "Penny's wrath."

* * *

**We are making excellent progress. They suspect one another.**

**Isn't it delicious? Next up, Hoodie Hijinks. You can begin whenever you want.**

**I have almost finished preparing. Don't forget to thank your cousin at the immigration office.  
**

**I already did. We owe him dinner. Good luck. **


	4. Operation Hoodie

**One by one, each member of the group has fallen into a trap. Suspicion abounds and it's beginning to look like no one is safe.**

* * *

**(Operation Hoodie Hijinks)**

It started out as such a good day. Leonard had driven to work alone, since Sheldon had a dentist appointment that Penny was taking him to. He got to sing out loud in the car. He got to take Euclid Avenue. He even got to stop on the way to buy a breakfast burrito without hearing a lecture about how burritos were not a breakfast food no matter what the filling consisted of.

When he got to work he was stopped by three pretty grad students wanting to book some time to meet with him about their latest assignment for applied physics. And he was fairly certain the little brunette had been flirting with him. He got to his office and found a box waiting on him. His latest experiments would involve holographic projections and the equipment he needed had finally arrived.

Then he found out that Professor Barton and Dr. Kent, very prestigious scientists from Cambridge, were visiting and were interested in viewing his work. Leonard was proud as a peacock as he led them to the lab. He explained about how his experiment was designed to project a holographic, interactive screen. It would display whatever your computer screen was showing, allowing you to work with your computer from anywhere with only a small device the size of a half dollar. Leonard powered it up and synced up the device with his computer in his office. Leonard smiled with pride as the hologram came to life in front of them.

The smile slowly faded and changed to a look of horror.

* * *

Sheldon was sitting in his spot, and Penny was beside him, watching Star Trek when Leonard walked in. Leonard didn't speak. He just walked through the apartment to his bedroom and flopped across his bed. A few moments later Howard and Raj walked in.

Sheldon looked at them curiously. "You two look very mirthful," he said.

Howard and Raj burst into laughter. "Leonard got stung by our mystery prankster!" Howard cackled.

Penny looked toward the hall and then back. "What happened?"

The two men snickered. "Leonard set up a holographic projection of his computer screen. He was giving a demonstration to two very well known scientists from England. When he started the program, it wasn't his work on display."

Penny's eyes grew wide. "Oh lord! Don't tell me it was porn!"

Raj shook his head and grinned widely. Howard wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "Apparently, when no one is around, Leonard likes to re-enact a famous movie scene." he collapsed on the couch, clutching his sides. "He was slipping and sliding across this floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. It was classic! Oh lord, it was the best thing I've ever seen!"

Penny giggled. "Oh wow! I'd have loved to have seen that!"

Howard grinned at her. "You can. When he started the program, it automatically uploaded to you tube. It's all over the web. Last time I looked it had over 7,000 hits in only 6 hours!"

Leonard appeared in the hall and glared at them all. "I am so glad to see how supportive my friends are. Thank you for your sympathy and comfort."

Penny stood and walked over. She gave Leonard a loose hug. "Oh, sweetie! It's not the end of the world."

Leonard slumped down in the armchair. "I was humiliated." He looked around the room. "What I can't understand is how this guy got that video in the first place! It had to have been taken from the kitchen area, according to the angle, but I was all alone. Sheldon was in Texas for his Meemaw's birthday. Howard and Raj were at that conference in Santa Monica, and you were working a double."

Sheldon steepled his fingers and placed his elbows on his knees. "This person is diabolical. So far he has pranked me, Penny, Raj and now Leonard. The only one left is Howard."

Howard looked around at them anxiously. "Holy frak! You're right! You guys have to help me! You can't let him get me, too!"

Sheldon looked at him curiously. "Why should you be spared?"

Penny took her seat back on the couch. "Sheldon, he's our friend. We have to help him." Penny rolled her eyes at his skeptical look. "Think of it this way, sweetie, if you keep Howard close, and protect him, you can use him as bait to catch the mystery prankster."

Sheldon looked at her with amazement. "You know, I don't give you enough credit sometimes, Penny. That is actually a very good idea." He patted her knee as if she was a child. "Good for you!"

Penny's eyes narrowed. "Keep it up, Sheldon. I wouldn't feel guilty one little bit about punching you in the throat."

Sheldon looked away warily and cleared his throat. "Howard, we will help you. You will be under our supervision. You will be safe with us until we can locate and neutralize this villain."

Leonard and Raj accompanied Howard home to grab some clothes and Penny made up a bed on the couch while Sheldon showered. When the guys returned they got Howard settled in. Then Raj went home, Leonard went to shower, Penny said goodnight and left the apartment, and Sheldon went to bed. Howard slumped on the couch and tried to calm his nerves.

* * *

**Is the pigeon falling into position?**

**Absolutely. Everything is working perfectly.**

**Any suspicions?**

**Not a one. **

**Excellent. **


	5. Setting Up The Pigeon

**Howard is the lone survivor. So far. Sheldon plans to keep his treasured acquaintance near in an effort to catch their adversary.**

* * *

**(Setting Up The Pigeon)**

For the next few days Howard jumped at shadows, cringed from noises, and slept on Sheldon and Leonard's couch. But nothing happened. Until day 5. Howard was supposed to drive his mom to her podiatrist appointment. Raj volunteered since Howard was behind in his work. Leonard drove Raj over, and Raj started up Mrs. Wolowitz's van. Raj drove her to the doctor's office and then opened the door so he could exit the vehicle.

* * *

Leonard smirked as he handed Raj a new pair of pants. While Raj scrambled into the back of the van, Leonard looked at the driver's seat carefully. The entire seat of Raj's pants was glued to the upholstery. "Wow, that's some really strong glue," Leonard said with a laugh. He gave Raj an apologetic look. "Sorry, but it _is_ funny."

Raj just glared grumpily. "It should have been Howard glued to the seat. If he hadn't had to catch up on that paperwork..."

Leonard suddenly looked suspicious. "Could he have planned this?"

Raj looked stunned but then shook his head. "No. I didn't offer until just as we were leaving. He couldn't have prepared that fast. We went straight to his house. That glue had to have been put there just before we got to the van."

Leonard sighed. "Our mystery prankster has struck again."

* * *

Two days later the guys were sitting down to lunch in the cafeteria. Leonard was grousing because Howard had snagged the last cupcake. Before the guys could dig in to their meal, Howard got a text. He sighed and stood up. "Excuse me. Carl says there's a problem in the lab." He hurried off, leaving his tray behind.

Leonard smirked and grabbed Howard's cupcake. He pulled away the paper cup and took a big bite. "Nothing tastes better than a stolen dessert."

Sheldon looked at him disgustedly. "You took food off of someone else's tray. I hope you don't expect me to nurse you when you get salmonella."

Leonard rolled his eyes and finished the cupcake. Talk turned to new comic night and before long lunch was over. The three men were walking back toward their offices when Leonard suddenly doubled over. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and groaned. Sheldon backed up and covered his mouth with his shirt. Raj tentatively rubbed Leonard's back. Leonard groaned again and suddenly sprinted toward the bathroom at the end of the hall. Sheldon and Raj followed him warily. They opened the door and could hear Leonard moan as his bowels went haywire.

Raj looked at Sheldon with wide eyes. "This guy is good. How did he know Leonard would eat that cupcake?"

Sheldon shook his head. "He couldn't have. That cupcake was Howard's."

"I'm going to kill that prankster!" Leonard growled from the stall.

Sheldon and Raj looked at each other. "We really need to be more careful," Raj said.

Sheldon nodded. Their enemy was diabolical.

* * *

The guys were checking their paint-ball guns when Penny walked in. "I'm off today, and very bored. What's the plan?"

Sheldon looked at her with surprise. "Penny, it is 8 am. Why are you awake?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm bored, Moon Pie. Entertain me."

Sheldon glared at her. "I am not a trained seal here for your amusement. And only Meemaw can call me Moon Pie."

Leonard smiled at Penny. "We're going paint-balling. Want to come with us?"

Penny frowned a bit. "Is Sheldon going to shot me again?"

The man in question smirked. "Call me Moon Pie again and find out."

Penny stuck her tongue out at him and walked over to sit on the middle cushion of the couch. "Okay, I'll go. But I don't have a gun."

Howard reached into his duffle bag. "I have a spare."

Penny took it and then gasped as Sheldon ripped it from her hands. "HEY!"

Sheldon looked the weapon over carefully. "Our prankster has been trying to get to Howard. It is prudent to ensure he has not sabotaged this." He test fired the weapon into the trash can and nodded with justification. "As I thought. This weapon has been tampered with."

Everyone gagged as the stench of rotten eggs wafted across the room. The paint pellets were all filled with sulfur. Leonard opened the windows to let in fresh air and Sheldon walked over to the closet. He pulled out some extra cartridges of his own and handed them to Penny.

She impulsively reached around and hugged Sheldon briefly. She was surprised when Sheldon's right arm quickly hugged her back. She looked at him, but he was looking away from her. Penny smiled at the slight pink tinge to his cheeks. "Thank you for checking the gun, sweetie." Penny loaded the gun and went to get dressed.

Howard stared at the contaminated paint balls. "Maybe I should just give in. Go stand in the parking lot at work and let this guy just get it over with."

Sheldon shook his head. "I am determined to win. No mystery prankster is going to get the better of me," he declared.

* * *

**I do believe we have them right where we want them.**

**Our pigeon is really starting to feel the pressure.**

**He's almost ready for the big finale.**

**I have an idea.**

**Go for it. **


	6. Prepping The Pigeon

**Keeping Howard safe has resulted in the others getting pranked multiple times.  
**

* * *

**(Prepping the Pigeon)**

Howard insisted on moving back home after almost a week on the guy's couch. He missed his bed. He missed his mom and he was tired of Sheldon. Leonard drove him, leaving Sheldon watching a documentary on whale sharks. Sheldon wasn't paying attention to the program, though. His mind was centered on the mystery prankster. For three weeks this person had managed to get the better of all of them. Sheldon was frustrated. He was being out-maneuvered at every turn. He did not like this at all! He needed to find a way to go on the offensive. The problem was, he had no idea who he was up against. The door opened and Penny walked inside. She slumped into the middle spot and Sheldon looked at her inquiringly. "You seem disturbed. Do I need to make you a warm beverage?"

Penny shook her head. "I'm just feeling listless. Want to do something?"

Sheldon frowned. "Such as?"

Penny shrugged. "Mini golf?"

Sheldon looked at Penny with a serious expression. "Would you rather indulge in coitus?"

Penny's jaw dropped and she stared at him in shock. "Wha…?"

Sheldon grinned. "Bazinga. Mini golf, it is."

Penny rolled her eyes and went to get her coat and wallet. "Like there aren't enough people playing pranks already," she muttered.

* * *

Raj joined Howard and Leonard at the Wolowitz house for a few games on the xbox. At 6 pm they returned to Los Robles for dinner. They ran into Sheldon and Penny returning from their excursion. The group walked up the stairs together and argued about what they were going to watch. Leonard unlocked the door and opened it up. Everyone entered 4A except Penny who wanted to put away her wallet and coat first. Penny turned toward her door and unlocked it. She opened her door just as the boys closed theirs.

Her screech brought the others running back into the hall. They all stared in shock at the empty apartment. All of Penny's belongings were missing. Not even a photo remained on the fridge. The guys looked at Penny's stunned expression with concern. A tear slipped down her cheek and she drew in a shaky breath.

Sheldon reached out to pat her back sympathetically. She turned and buried her face in his chest and he hugged her awkwardly. He sighed and turned Penny around. He drew her into his home and down the hall. He opened his bedroom door and moved her inside. He sat her on the bed, noting with a bit of worry that she was too quiet. He laid a spare set of pajamas beside her and hesitated. Finally he leaned down and kissed the crown of her head like his mom used to do to him.

"Go to sleep, Penny. It will be better tomorrow." Then he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The guysj were standing in the living room. He walked over to the closet and pulled back out the spare bedding. He laid it on the couch and sighed. "I'll sleep here. Penny's very upset and needs adequate REM more than I do."

"This guy is playing with fire," Howard said quietly. "I say we all chip in."

Leonard frowned. "Chip in?"

Howard nodded. "Penny's going to need bail money when she kills this guy."

After a moment the others nodded. They actually felt a bit of pity for their mystery prankster.

* * *

**Too much?**

**Maybe. But we're already playing with fire. It seems to have served it's purpose, though.  
**

**You realize that if this goes wrong, we're dead, right?**

**If this goes wrong, we ruin everything. It all rides on our success.**

**What now? Go for broke or build the tension?**

**Let's put all the pieces into position. You ready?**

**As they say in poker, "I'm all in."**


	7. All In

**Penny has been targeted for yet again. The pranks are starting to feel very personal.**

* * *

**(All In)**

The next evening Penny heard the door open but she continued to stare at the wall. The bed dipped beside her and she looked at Sheldon. "Please tell me you have an idea who this guy is."

Sheldon sighed and shook his head. "I am sorry."

Penny laid her head on his shoulder and slipped a hand into his. "He also ruined my date the other night. This guy I met at an audition asked me out. I haven't had a date in a while so I said yes. I just wanted a pleasant night of dancing and conversation. When the guy showed up my phone rang. I let the machine get it. It was a fake message from a made up clinic about how my test came back positive and they wanted me to come in and figure out when I was due."

Sheldon frowned. "Due for what?"

Penny sniffled. "They were implying I was pregnant, Sheldon. The guy sprinted away so fast, he left a dust cloud. No one even saw this guy move my furniture back into my apartment."

Sheldon was out of his comfort zone. Something was happening that he didn't understand and couldn't control. It seemed as though ever since their prankster had appeared it had been driving him and Penny closer to each other.

It had started when he felt compelled to give her that second, more sincere apology. Then the hug from her when she thought they had rescued her car had increased this new paradigm. When the others had suspected him after the Bazinga at the immigration office, she hadn't. She had not believed he had done it. The day Leonard had gotten pranked, they had been watching tv on the couch and it had been …pleasant. She had been leaning against him and he hadn't minded.

Mini golf had been fun. They had teased and laughed and it had been relaxing. He realized with a bit of surprise that he usually felt like that with Penny. Even when they argued or fought, he was more relaxed with her than with anyone else. Last night he had felt so protective of her. The impotent anger in her eyes had been distressing to him.

Sheldon's eyes grew wide. Sweet jesus, he liked Penny! Not just liked, but _liked-_liked Penny. How had that happened? What was he going to do about this? He looked down at her head on his shoulder and the tension building inside him faded away. He slipped an arm around her back and offered her comfort. Penny needed him. He would worry about his feelings later.

* * *

Penny sighed as Sheldon's warmth seeped into her. She was tired and alarmed. Someone had entered her apartment. They had walked in, taken everything she owned out of it, and then put it all back the next day. Someone had her phone number, a copy of her keys and access to her and her property.

Penny sniffled and relaxed as Sheldon put his arm around her. She would never admit it aloud, but she needed him. She loved him. But it was a hopeless dream. In the 2½ years she had known the guys, it had always been Sheldon that drew her across the hall. He was handsome, sure, but he was appealing in other ways, too. He was so intelligent that he talked circles around her on a daily basis. But he was also funny and sweet. He challenged her, like during their own prank war. And sometimes, he needed her. Like when he was sick, or when something social happened that he didn't understand. He annoyed her also, and she knew he was often angry or irritated with her. That didn't change the fact that she cared for him more than any other man she had ever known.

She curled up against him and let his strength and comfort sooth her frazzled nerves. He was her best friend, her secret love, and most of all, he was Sheldor the Conqueror. He would never abandon a friend, not even her.

* * *

**Everything is in place on my end.**

**I am almost ready. I need one week. **

**Shall we plan on next weekend then, for springing the trap?**

**That works for me. I have to say, dancing on the edge of a knife has been quite fun. **

**Best of luck to us all.**

**We're going to need it. Even if we succeed, we're not out of the woods. **

**Let's hope you are right about it being easier to ask forgiveness than permission.**


	8. Setting the Trap

**Emotions are building. Penny is feeling scared. If she had a target, she could handle it better. Being trapped in a mystery makes her feel vulnerable.**

* * *

**(Setting A Trap)**

Sheldon studied his white board intently. The answer was there. It had to be! The door opened behind him and he looked over his shoulder at Penny. She looked tired, which worried him. Ever since the night her furniture had disappeared she hadn't been sleeping well. She slumped on the couch in the middle. He didn't like this new Penny.

She never smiled or teased any of them. She hadn't sat down in his spot all week. She hadn't called him Moon Pie or sweetie all week. Although on the plus side, he was seeing more of her. She went to work, but that was it. The rest of her waking hours were spent with him. Sheldon wondered at first if she was seeking out Leonard since she often asked if he was home, but every time he said no, she joined him immediately. If he said yes, she hesitated. She was here for him. That brought out mixed feelings. He was pleased she sought him out, but worried that his increased exposure to her would complicate their friendship.

He knew he was not her type. She preferred men who had large muscles. Men who were athletic. The type of guy who had tormented him as a child. But with each passing day his feelings for Penny grew. He sighed softly to himself as he turned back to his board. It was useless to wish for things he had no business wishing for. He needed to find this prankster. It was the only way to make Penny feel safe again.

* * *

She watched as Sheldon stared at his board. To others it may appear as if he was just bored, but she could see the wheels turning through his eyes. She never grew tired of seeing him work his way through a problem. Slowly the tension in her shoulders eased as she looked him over carefully. Two years ago she had been appalled by Sheldon's fashion sense. She loved his ugly plaid pants now, though. They were so quintessentially him. (She was really gratefully for that word-of-the-day calendar Raj had given her.)

Every time she saw plaid, wherever she was, she thought of him. The same with his geek shirts. She had even discovered a pattern to them. He was wearing the melting rubix shirt now, which meant he was feeling pressured. When he was confident he wore one of his Flash shirts. When he was mad he wore one of his robot shirts. When he was feeling playful he wore one of his geometric shirts. And when he was pissed off, he wore his Green Lantern shirts. Her favorite was his 73 shirt. He wore it when he was content and relaxed.

Penny jumped as Sheldon suddenly threw his marker down. He looked at her with wide eyes. "I got it," he said slowly. "I solved it."

Penny stood. "You know who it is?"

Sheldon shook his head. "No. But I know how to find out." His lips pulled back into a joker grin.

Penny rushed over and threw her arms around him tightly. Sheldon immediately pulled her into a hug, and his mind blanked out. All he could think about was that Penny was in his arms, against his body. He knew the second she realized it, too. Slowly they separated and stared at each other. The door opened and the others stepped into the apartment, shattering the moment. Penny moved back to the couch and Sheldon turned back to his board.

"Sheldon knows how to find out who the prankster is," Penny said quietly.

The others looked at him with surprise. "Awesome! Who is it? How do we find out?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon shook his head. "I need to uncover one more thing. Then I am confident we can solve this mystery. By tomorrow night we should know everything."

Sheldon glanced at Penny from the corner of his eye, taking in the awareness in her eyes and the tenseness in her body. It suggested to him that maybe Penny wasn't as immune to him as he had supposed. Now he had a new conundrum. Was her body language sufficient encouragement?

* * *

**We may have a problem. Sheldon says he has solved it.**

**Do you think he has? **

**It's Sheldon Cooper.**

**We better act fast then. Are you prepared?**

**Yes. Are you?**

**Yes. Noon?**

**I'll set it up.**


	9. Final Bazinga

**Sheldon has announced he knows how to solve their mystery. Let the finale begin.**

* * *

**(The Final Bazinga)**

(11:00 AM)

Penny stepped out of the shower and dressed in a pair of shorts and a tee. She moved out into the living room and paused when her phone buzzed. She read the text and then hurried to the door.

**Penny, meet me at the university at noon. My office is bugged, so meet me in the basement. There's an old storage room just around the corner on the right. I'll be in the room . I know who our prankster is. -Doctor Sheldon L. Cooper**

* * *

(12:00 PM)

Sheldon's phone buzzed and he turned from his laptop to read the message. He gasped and rushed from his office.

**Sheldon, I saw someone leaving your apartment. I don't know who he is, but I followed him to the university. He's here right now, heading into a storage room in the basement. Come quick! -Penny**

* * *

(11:30 AM)

Penny peered around the corner and saw the door Sheldon had indicated. She walked over and opened the door. She stepped inside and found the room was empty. Penny frowned, wondering if she had the directions wrong. Suddenly a cloth was placed over her mouth and she gasped, breathing in the chloroform. She struggled briefly, but the smell was overpowering. Moments later she was slumped, unconscious, against the wall, two shadowy figures standing over her.

* * *

(12:15 PM)

Sheldon inched around the corner and looked around. He couldn't hear anything, nor had he run across Penny yet. The door to the storage room was slightly open. He pushed it open hesitantly and gasped. Penny was sitting on the floor, a gag in her mouth. Her eyes sparked dangerously. Sheldon ran into the room and ripped away the gag.

"The door!" Penny yelled.

Sheldon turned in time to see the door slam shut. He made a grab for it, but it shut before he could stop it. He heard a scraping sound and looked down to see a large wedge being slammed into place. Sheldon spun and untied Penny's hands and ankles. She rubbed her sore wrists to restore circulation and gasped as Sheldon pulled her to her feet. He caught her against him as she stumbled.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "My feet are asleep."

Sheldon helped her over to the desk against the wall and sat her on it. He knelt down and removed her shoes. The ropes had chaffed a bit, so he massaged them carefully. "Can you describe the man you saw?" he asked.

Penny frowned at him. "I didn't see who knocked me out. Who is behind it, Sheldon? They aren't pranking us now. This is an attack."

Sheldon looked up. "I am very close to finding out."

Penny's jaw dropped. "Wait, you said you knew!"

Sheldon shook his head in confusion. "No, I didn't."

Penny pulled her phone from her pocket and noticed immediately that she had no reception down here. She pulled up her text history and showed him the message. Sheldon pulled out his phone and pulled up his own history. Penny gasped and shook her head. "I didn't send that."

Sheldon nodded. "I realize that now. We were set up."

Penny wrapped her arms around her waist. "Why us?" she asked softly.

Sheldon looked up at the worry in her eyes. "I don't know."

* * *

Sheldon was sitting on the floor by the door trying to figure out a way to remove the wedge. He had no tools, nor could he get a grip on it. Penny shivered and wrapped her arms around her knees. She was getting chillier by the minute. She only had on cotton shorts, and her top was thin with spaghetti straps. They had been in this cool room for hours now. It was getting close to 7 pm and she was tired, scared, mad, hungry and very cold.

Sheldon looked over his shoulder in time to see Penny lay her head on her knees and shiver. He stood and walked over to sit by her. He eased his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. He was alarmed to feel how cool her skin was. Sheldon cursed their prankster in his mind for putting them in this predicament. He twisted his torso and grabbed Penny's waist. He shifted her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her.

Penny gasped and stiffened. "Sheldon what are you doing?"

"We need to share body heat. You are inadequately dressed for this temperature."

Penny's voice was full of anger and hurt. "I wasn't planning on getting trapped, Sheldon!"

He sighed and tucked his hands under the hem of her shirt. "I was not chastising, Penny. Merely explaining."

She snuggled against his chest, seeking warmth. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm not myself."

He nodded. "I know. This ordeal has been very hard on you. I am sorry, Penny. I fear my announcement last night may have made our assailants nervous."

Penny's chilly hands inched under his shirt and flattened against his stomach. Penny was surprised by the muscles she found there. Sheldon had a secret six pack! "What do you mean?"

He shuddered as she touched him, and not just from the lack of warmth in her fingers. "I believe they lured us here to keep us out of the way while they execute their next prank."

Penny nibbled on her bottom lip as her body began to react to being in Sheldon's arms. "You keep using plurals. You think there's more than one?"

Sheldon swallowed and tried to control his rising desire. "There must be at least two. There is no other way they could have accomplished so much. And I believe one, if not both, is a member of our group."


	10. Revealing Secrets

**Penny and Sheldon have been lured into a basement room at Cal-Tech and trapped inside.**

* * *

**(Revealing Secrets)**

Penny pulled away and looked at Sheldon. "No."

Sheldon nodded. "Someone who has access to our keys, schedules, routines, and who is able to keep tabs on us. Someone who could access our phones from a remote location to send us those texts. Someone who was in the apartment last night when I said I knew how to find out."

Penny paled when she realized he was correct. "But you can find out, right?"

Sheldon hesitated and shook his head. "I was bluffing. I suspected one of our friends and was going to set a trap. I was going to trick them into revealing themselves." Sheldon sighed and brushed her hair back. "I am sorry Penny. This is my fault. You would not be here if not for me."

Penny laid back against his chest. "At least I'm with you, so it's not all bad."

Sheldon tensed. "Why me?"

Penny blushed, glad he couldn't see it with her tucked under his chin. "You're my best friend," she answered softly.

He tried. He really tried to stop his next question, but his tongue paid no attention to his mind. "Is that the only reason?" Penny was silent for several seconds. Sheldon cringed as she pulled away from him and looked into his face.

Her voice was barely audible. "What are you asking, Sheldon?"

He looked into her eyes, wishing he was more capable socially. He had no idea what her expression meant. He licked his lips nervously and drew on all his courage. He reached out and wrapped his long fingers around her nape. He drew her to him, inch by inch. He dipped his head and slid his lips along hers lightly.

Penny froze as Sheldon's lips caressed hers. It was the barest brush against her skin, but it left a trail of fire behind. Sheldon pulled back and looked at her worriedly. Penny smiled softly and his lips pulled back into a tentative grin. Penny leaned closer and slid her arms around his neck. She pressed her lips to his and coaxed him into a full kiss.

Sheldon's pulse pounded in his ears as Penny's lips sucked on his bottom lip. Her teeth bit down lightly and then her tongue swept over the slight sting. Sheldon molded his other hand to the small of her back and he copied her kiss. He pressed her chest to his and trailed his fingers from her nape, across her shoulder and down to her ribs. His hand rested just beside her breast, his hesitation evident.

Penny sat up and moved a leg over Sheldon's hips. She straddled his lap and moaned softly as his erection pressed against her core. That shook Sheldon free of his constraints. He pushed her shirt out of the way and cupped her lace covered breasts firmly. Penny's head rolled back as he rubbed her tightened nipples with his thumbs. Sheldon drank in the sight of her before pushing away the material. He leaned down and took one rosy peak into his mouth.

Penny threaded her fingers in his closely shorn hair, arching her back into him. She rubbed against his crotch making him suckle her harder. Sheldon reveled in the taste of her skin and the press of her hips. All too soon he felt that familiar tightening in his pelvis. He reached down to grip her hips firmly. He didn't still her movements, but he pulled back from her breast.

"Penny, if you continue this activity, I will achieve orgasm," he said breathlessly.

Penny's heated gaze captured his. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked softly.

Sheldon pressed her pelvis into his. "No," he growled harshly.

Penny moved faster, drawing a low growl from Sheldon's throat. His grip tightened on her hips, digging into her skin hard enough to bruise. He shifted her angle slightly and sucked her tongue into his mouth. It only took a few move seconds for his body to tense and then shudder beneath her. Penny slowed her movements and grew still over him.

Sheldon released her left hip, his tongue sliding along hers. Penny gasped with surprise as his fingers slipped into her shorts and moved along her folds. Penny whimpered as he moved his lips to her ear.

"Guide me," he requested.

Penny whispered instructions in his ear as she reached down and positioned his hand. One long digit eased inside her and the heel of his palm pressed against her clitoris. Her hips rolled, rubbing her sensitive skin over his hand. Sheldon tugged her lobe between his teeth tenderly and flexed his hand against her. He pressed a second finger into her and pumped them shallowly.

Penny gripped his shoulders and bucked against his hand hard. She bit her lip as her body thrummed with desire. Her body felt on fire, her breathing labored. Sheldon grinned at her soft mewling noises and pressed his lips to her ear. "So beautiful."

Penny trembled as her own orgasm washed over her. She slumped against his chest and barely noticed when he withdrew his hand. Sheldon tried to surreptitiously pull a package of wipes from his back pocket, but Penny took them from him languidly. She opened the package and pulled out a couple. She gently cleaned her wetness from his hand and then used the other to wipe the lipstick from his mouth.

Sheldon pressed her head into the crook of his neck and sighed with contentment. Neither one spoke for a long time.


	11. The Big Reveal

**Trapped in a cold basement room, Sheldon and Penny share body heat. Desire erupts between them.**

* * *

**(The Big Reveal)**

He wasn't sure if it was the sound of the door or the clicking of a camera which woke him up. His first clear thoughts were that his legs were asleep, there was a weight on his chest, and he could smell vanilla. He had the vague idea he should open his eyes, but the weight on his chest was soft and warm. He wrapped his arms more securely around Penny and buried his face in her neck.

Penny mumbled near his ear and he smiled against her skin. She fidgeted a bit and once again mumbled his name. He was almost completely awake now, and the tip of his tongue peeked out to flick against her pulse. Penny shifted and hugged him tightly.

Once again he heard that clicking sound. He frowned and blinked a couple of times before looked up. He was sure he must still be asleep. No way was this real. Penny looked over her shoulder and gasped. Her head slowly shook and she raised up off Sheldon's lap.

"You?" Penny asked in a level voice. "All this time it was the two of you?"

Sheldon stood up on pins and needles and clenched his fists. "I suspected it was one of our friends. I never suspected this," he said angrily.

Leonard blushed and Leslie Winkle smirked as she lowered the camera. She placed a hand on her hip and shrugged. "That's because you're a dumba…"

Everyone gasped as Penny's fist connected with Leslie's mouth, knocking the brunette against the wall. She spun to glare at Leonard. "You bastards! Do you have any idea what you did to me? To Sheldon? You …you …" Penny's words failed her and tears poured down her face."I have been sick to my stomach! I couldn't sleep, even after the landlord put in that new dead bolt because I was so scared! This wasn't some funny little prank war, Leonard! You terrorized me and Sheldon! You tortured us!" Tears poured from Penny's eyes.

"How could you do that to him?" she asked in a weak voice. She shoved past Leonard and ran down the hall.

Leonard turned to Sheldon and caught a fist in his own mouth. Leonard slumped against the open door in shock. He could taste blood on his tongue. Sheldon towered over him. He had never seen his roommate in such a rage.

"Do you realize what you put Penny through?" Sheldon demanded through clenched teeth. "Do you understand what you did to her? You terrified her! She has lived in fear for the last week! How could you?"

Leonard sighed as he sat down beside Leslie and wiped the blood from her lip. "We were trying to get you two together. You two were never going to take that step on your own. We thought that if we got you two to band together you would realize that you cared about each other. We thought that if Penny could see you being concerned for her, and if you could see how much Penny needed you, that you two would finally realize you love one another. We were trying to help.""

Leslie probed Leonard's rapidly swelling lip carefully. "You should be thanking us," she said with a smirk. She looked up knowingly. "Especially since it worked."

Sheldon's furious glare made the couple cringe. "Thank you? For frightening Penny? For giving her no other option but to turn to me? You took her peace of mind from her! You took her choice from her." Sheldon shook his head. "None of this was real, Leonard. And your little stunt may have just ruined the friendship that existed between Penny and I." Sheldon stepped over Leonard's outstretched leg and walked away.

* * *

He sighed and leaned his head against her door. He had knocked several times but she hadn't answered. Sheldon's stomach churned at the thought that she was inside regretting what had happened between them. He wandered into his apartment and made his way back to his bedroom. He needed to grab a change of clothes and take a shower. Then he would try again. He opened his door and stilled. Penny was standing in front of his window, looking out at the city.

"All my life I've had to be tough," she said softly. "My dad pushed me to be a tomboy. My brother was always in trouble and I was the one he relied on to help him out of his scrapes. My sister is sweet and feminine and she always relied on me to keep her shielded. My mom depended on me to be self reliant. Moving here, Kurt was reckless and always flying by the seat of his pants. I had to be the one who kept the bills paid, to keep him on time for work, to send his friends packing when the beer was gone. I'm not perfect. I've never claimed to be. I can barely keep a roof over my head, but I'm doing it. I work hard and I do my best."

Penny turned to face him and Sheldon saw something in her eyes that eased the tension inside him. Hope flowed through his veins as he gazed into her warm hazel eyes.

Penny licked her lips nervously. "For the past week, I have felt lost and alone. Except when I was with you. In all the time we have known each other, you have always been there for me. Even when I made you mad, or irritated. You have never abandoned me. You make me stand, but you let me lean on you. You make me try, but you are always there to catch me. I don't know if what happened last night was real for you. But it was for me. I …," Penny took a deep breath. "I love you, Sheldon. I have for a long time. So, please, do you think you can take a chance on me? On this?"

Sheldon walked around the bed and stopped in front of Penny. "You love me?" he asked softly.

Penny nodded, a silent plea in her eyes.

Sheldon threaded his fingers in her hair swiftly and pulled her into his arms. His lips crashed down onto hers hungrily. "I thought you would hate me," he murmured against her lips. "I knocked and knocked on your door but you didn't answer." Sheldon held her as tightly as possible and felt her thudding heartbeat against his chest. Penny clutched at his shoulders and moaned softly. They kissed deeply, almost forgetting to breathe. Finally they parted slightly, gasping for air.

Sheldon sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He reached out and took Penny's hands in his. He drew her down onto his lap. He reached up and cupped her jaw. He gently kissed her and she relaxed against him. "You realize we are going to have to deal with Leonard and Winkle gloating, right?"

Penny smirked. "If they get too bad, I'll pop Leonard, too. He deserves it."

Sheldon blushed slightly with embarrassment. "I already hit him."

Penny's jaw dropped. "You hit Leonard? With your fist?" Sheldon nodded and Penny grabbed his wrist. She looked at the red knuckles and placed a light kiss on each one. "My hero," she whispered.

Sheldon blushed and kissed her again. "Don't heroes usually get a reward?"

Penny grinned and slipped from his lap. She reached out and caressed the his jawline. "Yes. Yes, they do."

Sheldon's eyes darkened as he watched her pull her top over her head. While she unbuckled his chinos, he reached for her shorts. Maybe Leonard and Winkle would get that thank you after all. His mind flashed on Penny's tears earlier. Then again, maybe they wouldn't.


	12. Conclusion

**(Conclusion)**

Sheldon insisted Leslie make a formal, and very public, apology before he would let Leonard break the roommate agreement and move out. Leslie balked at first, but for once Leonard stood up like a man and insisted she comply or else he wouldn't even discuss living together. Leslie was so impressed (and turned on) by forceful Leonard, she agreed. Besides, Penny had been standing in her line of vision and cracking her knuckles behind the guys back.

Then Penny made Leonard and Leslie take everyone, including Mrs. Wolowitz, out for an apology dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town. Mrs. Wolowitz had the time of her life, after grudgingly forgiving the duo for scaring her little boy.

Raj and Howard were mad but they quickly got over it when Sheldon shocked them by announcing Penny was moving in with him. What he didn't tell any of them was that he had proposed to Penny and she had said yes. He wanted to tell their families first, so they were planning a quick trip to visit each at the end of the month.

After dinner Howard and Raj decided to check out a new club. After all, if Sheldon could land Penny, there had to be someone out there for them. So, they took Howard's mother home and went looking for hotties. Leslie and Leonard headed to their place eagerly. Sheldon and Penny walked up the stairwell slowly, stopping often to share a soft kiss.

When they reached the third floor they ran into Mrs. Gunderson. She smiled at their clasped hands and slipped past them on the stairwell. Sheldon looked at Penny with mock sternness. "You are turning me into a hippie, aren't you?"

Penny giggled. "Are you complaining?"

Sheldon grinned and swept her up into his arms. "Often. But that doesn't change the fact that I love you."

Penny wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, too."

* * *

Sheldon wiped his damp palms on his handkerchief as he watched her walk down the aisle toward him. Leonard stood directly to his left, followed by Raj and Howard. Across from them were Leslie, Missy and Penny's sister. Penny was utterly lovely in her simple white lace gown. Her hair was loose, with daisies woven into the tresses. Her father paused to kiss her cheek tenderly and then she was before him. Sheldon reached out and cupped her cheek. They ignored the giggles around them as they moved to stand closer. They made the appropriate responses when necessary, but their full attention was on each other. As soon as the last words were spoken, he pulled his bride into his arms. Cheers erupted around them, breaking them apart with twin blushes.

They both moved in unison to their attendants. Penny kissed Leonard's cheek and Sheldon glared at Leslie for a moment. As one they slowly smiled and said "Thank you." Leslie and Leonard burst out laughing as the newlyweds joined hands and walked down the aisle toward the door.


End file.
